By Janet Daughtry
Most of us do want to be happy. The problem is that we are waiting for someone or some event to happen to make us feel better. We have bought into the lie that a person, a relationship or some external situation is responsible for our happiness or lack of it. If we are unhappy, it is because the planets are lined up correctly or someone else or an event or circumstance is to blame for our lot and our predicament. A person that thinks this way believes that's the way it is and they might as well accept it. They believe they have no choice in the matter.
The problem with this kind of thinking is as long as someone else is responsible for my unhappiness then – quess what? I don't have to take personal responsibility for my life. It becomes an excuse I can hide behind. I don't have to take any kind of ownership of my life. I can just move out of the driver's seat to the back seat of my life and wait for someone or some event to move me into happiness. Actually, what I have really done is play the blame game and hand over my emotional well-being to someone else.
The truth is you always have the ability to decide or to choose how you will respond to the events of our lives! The greatest gift we have been given is the ability to choose or to decide. You have been blessed with free will. That means you get to decide. You always have a choice in the matter. Even no choice is still a choice. When you and I come to that realization, it really can be quite liberating!
In all reality, no one can make you do anything or have that much power over you unless you give it to them. Plain and simple! Healthy and mature people take personal responsibility for their choices and their emotions! Dr. William Backus, a psychologist, expresses it best in his book "Telling Yourself the Truth." "People don't make you angry, sad, sick, - you allow yourself to be angry, sad, sick, or whatever the negative feelings you are experiencing. Indulging in temper tantrums is learned behavior. You learned how to throw temper tantrums and you can learn to stop." A big amen to that!
So if the choice is yours that no one else can make you unhappy unless you allow them to, then I believe it is also true that no one else can ultimately make you happy either. That choice is yours to make. You can choose to be happy regardless of circumstances or the people around you. You can decide that no one else will rain on your parade. You can decide that you will get up and have a good day. Your lack of happiness is not someone elses fault! It is a decision that you make every day. Roberta Flack's parents drilled into her as a child, "you can live in the circumstances but the circumstances do not have to live in you." Great advice!
The good news is that you do have choices. When you and I realize that we do have choices and are not powerless in this life, life can really be exciting. We get a new sense of ownership about life and find greater joy and greater contentment. We get back into the driver's seat and that's a great place to be.
Janet Daughtry, MDIV, CLC, is a certified life coach, author, and speaker. She specializes in helping women dance in their dreams through renewed thinking. Visit her for women's life coaching and workshops.
Source:www.isnare.com |
