By Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
In the beginning of your relationship, "we'ness" probably ran rampant. We this, we that. No doubt, you felt connected and functioned as a team- each supporting the other. In fact, that's happy couples' biggest secret- they maintain team morale long after the glow fades. Problem is, once daily life gets in the way, it's easy to end up on opposite sides- blaming each other and feeling like you're working toward different goals- rather than working together.
So what's the key to rediscovering Teamwork? Take a hint from your favorite sports team to remind yourself of the basics:
Name and Mascot: How do you know someone's a Bronco's fan? It's easy- they wear Bronco's colors, display their emblems, and cheer "Go Bronco's!" Well, your team is no different. You need a way to reinforce your we'ness and show yourselves, if not the world, that you are behind each other 100%. So be creative ...decide what your team stands for and have a name or idea that evokes that for you. Or, have a ritual that signifies your we-ness. Be unique and let your imaginations run wild. The exercise itself will bring your closer together, now and in the future.
Purpose: Every team has a purpose and successful teams never lose sight of the main goal. While you and your partner's purpose may not be to score as many touchdowns as possible- your union does serve an important purpose. And every couple is different. Sit down and remind yourselves: What is your biggest purpose? Why are you together?
Meeting: Find a way to keep that purpose front and center- for sports teams, they have meetings. How else would they keep in touch, check progress on their goals, and plan their next moves to stay on track? Your team should have regular meetings too! Once a week or at least once a month, schedule a couple or family meeting to address your progress toward key goals and keep communication clear.
Leadership: Every successful team has wise leaders guiding the way. In this case- you both need to be leaders- ones who know how to compromise. It's important that each member of the couple is allowed to lead in the areas where you are strong. Power needs to be shared and rotated. If you end up with too many power struggles- your team will lose.
Practice: No Team wins without practicing essential skills. Relationships are no different! If you are weak in important relationship skills- you're team is going to flounder. It takes a lifetime to learn excellent communication, conflict resolution, sharing, intimacy, cooperation, etc skills. Keep sharpening your repertoire!
Coaching: Lastly, no one is successful alone. Even top competitors in all fields make use of coaches- you simply need an objective view sometimes. So, read relationship books, make use of online information sources, create a couples support group, or when needed, seek outside assistance.
So, what's your teamwork level? Feeling like you are on opposing sides of a losing argument? Than it's time to boost your teamwork skills! Review the above factors and decide which aspects of teamwork you need to focus on to start winning again! When you and your partner are working together on the same Team, love always wins!
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., is a dating and relationship coach whose passion is helping singles and couples create love that lasts a lifetime! She works with clients all over the US. Want more free tips? Sign up for Relation Smarts e-newsletter. Learn more: http://www.couplingconnection.com.
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