By Brenda Shoshanna
Usually relationships start out wonderfully. Everyone's thrilled. They feel that finally they've found the "one". Then as time passes, as problems come up and old patterns start re-appearing, they begin wondering where has the love gone. Even when each person is trying as hard as they can, unexpected obstacles often arise that cannot be overcome. Many feel lost when this happens. They do not know what went wrong, how to correct misunderstandings or what to do to make things right again.
. When a relationship ends, many feel like a failure, like they won't find someone new, or be able to love again. However, stop a moment and consider. We would never try to build a building without first getting an architect's plan. Without a strong foundation, any passing storm would easily knock the building down. The same is true of relationships.
Yet, so many jump into relationships wanting to fly to the heights without having any understanding of how to build a foundation that will allow their love to stand tall and strong. It seems to them that love is a mystery. They mistake all kinds of emotions, needs and fantasies for the real thing.
Just as an architect knows and respects the laws of gravity, we too must know and work with the basic laws of love. These laws operate unfailingly. They are the cornerstone of all relationships and guidelines for the human heart. Once we learn and apply the basic laws of love, it becomes truly impossible to fail at love.
But rather than learn these simple laws, many have absorbed all kinds of myths about love and relationships. They live as though these myths were true and when they do not come to pass, blame themselves and others. However, it is extremely important to realize that the only thing that causes hurt, loss, or distress in relationships are the myths we are living with. Once we replace these myths with the simple laws of love, a whole new world opens. Confusion is cleared up and we naturally see the right steps to take.
This article shows how some basic laws of love quickly dissolve myths and misunderstanding.
Law #1- It's impossible to fail at love. Love is your original nature.
All pain or suffering in relationships is caused by lack of understanding of what love truly is. No one is a failure in love. Our mistakes, losses, confusion and mishaps simply arise out of our ignorance of who we are and what love truly is. When we have pain, suffering and upset relationships, none of it is caused by love. Love is our original nature. Once we dissolve misunderstandings about love, it's impossible for our love not to shine through.
Law #2: There's a difference between real and counterfeit love.
Most do not know the difference between real and counterfeit love. Like a mirage in a desert, counterfeit love cannot quench your thirst. Counterfeit love is the illusion of love, and this illusion confuses us in many ways. In order to know what real love is, we must know what it is not:
Love is not feeling excitement, infatuation, dependency or possessiveness.
If we have strong feelings for a person and feel very sad when they go away, this is attachment, not love. If we think about a person all the time, it could be obsession. If we think the person is the answer to our dreams and will finally make us happy, this is idealization.
Real love is beyond all this. Love is a verb and grows through time, deeds and understanding. Love does not bring unhappiness, it brings fulfillment, healing, kindness, warmth and inspiration. When you know what real love is, and how to make it grow, it becomes impossible to fail at love. You then will know how to build relationships that are based on a strong foundation, that allow you to become all you were meant to be, relationships that can never fall apart.
Cc/author/2007
Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship,in tops selling e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships).Noted psychologist has helped thousands. Free ezine at http://www.brendashoshanna.com
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