By Kim Wiederholt
Finding true love can seemingly be a difficult and long process. But, what can be just as difficult is discerning when we are truly experiencing feelings of love. The mistake often comes because we get emotionally caught up in the excitement of being involved with someone whom we have a good time and enjoy their companionship. But, it is important to not assume that feelings of excitement and companionship are that of true love. To discern if our feelings of love are real, it is important to ask ourselves if we also like this person. As we do this, we bring love back down to basics.
When we think of love in terms of "like", we begin to think of love in practical terms. First, because it only makes sense that we would also like someone that we are in love with. And secondly, it gives us the opportunity to think more objectively about our feelings.
Our tendency when we think of love — or why we are in love — is to let our emotions guide our rationale. Why should we be careful of this? Love in itself is exhilarating — even just the idea of it. With any of life's decision, when we purely let our emotions dictate our judgment we may become irrational and swept up in the moment or idea. When we do this with love, we are thinking strictly emotionally and the result is equating feelings of excitement and companionship with those of true of love.
Love is more than a thrilling emotion — but that is of course what makes knowing if we are in love tricky in the first place. How do we not get emotionally caught up in a perfectly human and natural emotion? The answer: Think and feel objectively.
As we focus more on the qualities of the person than on the feeling itself we break away from the habit of becoming wrapped up in the idea of love. And as we refer to a person's qualities in terms of "I like…" rather than "I love…" we also tend to be more objective in our thinking. If you are not truly in love with someone, it is more difficult to name things that you "like" about him than what you "love" about him. Why is that?
Again, the very use or thought of the word "love" can automatically arouse feelings of excitement within us, thus causing us to think that we are in love. In essence, this is what is happening: We think about the idea of love, become excited about this idea and then in our best efforts, begin thinking of and naming characteristics to attach to these powerful feelings. It is a great way to convince ourselves that we are in love, but of course that is not how love works. The qualities of our significant other should provoke feelings of love, not the other way around.
It is imperative to understand the relevance of "like" in a romantic relationship. This is the difference between love and infatuation. Love is the culmination of the many things you like about a person. Not feelings solely based upon enjoyment and physical attraction.
Love begins with the "like" that then develops into deep feelings of love. The underlying feeling of "like" never fades. Like never fades because our significant other possesses those qualities that we admire and appreciate in others. We love him because he encompasses those things. That is what makes our true love… significant.
Kim Wiederholt is the author of "Dating a Liar, a Cheater, and a Jerk." To learn more about Kim, her work, or to join her email list, visit Café Gab. To view her blog, visit Author Kim Wiederholt.
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