By Michael Freeman, M.A.
Relationships should be a place for growth and comfort for both partners. If you feel like you no longer desire to be in a relationship, but feel stuck because of your clingy partner, you need to resolve to leave. No matter if your relationship is 2 months or 10 years, sometimes it dawns on you: "This is no longer working for me." Maybe you've realized that the relationship is unhealthy, or maybe you just feel like moving on.
Regardless, you should never feel like you're stuck in a relationship, staying simply for your partner's benefit. This isn't only unfair to you; it's unfair to your partner, who needs to find someone who truly wants to be with her.
Obviously, it's your obligation to let your partner know how you feel, so that you can both move on. However, sometimes it's not so simple. If you're partner is needy, clingy, and has a co-dependent relationship style, leaving can feel close to impossible. This is compounded in the case where the man is conflict-avoidant.
Unfortunately, the combination of needy girl and conflict-avoidant guy is a common one. This is why so many guys are stuck in unhappy relationships. Don't let that guy be you!
Instead of allowing the relationship to go on forever, you need to set a course to break up. Although it may seem difficult, you can do it if you just follow a few simple steps.
Take some time for yourself to gain clarity on the matter. You have to decide with certainty that you're ready to leave. Even if you're already sure, it's important that you take some time for yourself just prior to the break-up. This will help you gain confidence in your decision, AND it will get you out from under her influence so. At this time, you can summon up some of the power it's going to take to follow through.
Understand that you will NEED to go through with this. You may have existed in a relationship for years where you did everything to please her, and despite all that, she may hate you from now on. You simply have to accept that if you're going to go through with this.
When you come back from your time away, tell her that you've made up your mind that you need to leave this relationship. If you think that she will go berserk, you may need to do this over the phone or in writing (a letter or email). YES, that's right: A letter or email may be the most appropriate way to do this. Despite what every other break up article says, sometimes it feels impossible to break up in-person, and it's better to do it over the phone or through a letter than to wait several years while you build up the courage.
Let her know that you know for certain that it's time to move. Tell her that you don't regret your time together, but that you've felt this way for a little while, and you know that she'd want to do this as soon as possible. Be as compassionate as possible, but remember: Sometimes feelings cannot be expressed logically. Don't get hung-up on trying to answer all her questions -- sometimes the answer is simple, "Sorry, I don't know why I feel this way, but I do."
Take steps to separate ASAP. If she wants to persist in talking about it, you may have to tell her that you no longer wish to discuss the decision, otherwise you may be talking about it forever. Do not suggest that you two will be friends -- that rarely works out well, especially in these circumstances.
Once you've separated, take time to learn from your mistakes, read some material about healthy relationships, and savor your newly-found freedom!
If you still desire to leave your partner but are still feeling hopelessly stuck in an unhealthy relationship, go here, where you'll learn exactly how to get free.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://how-to-finally-leave-her.com
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