by: Randal Breaux

How can you look the dog in the eyes ever again? Every time

you call his name, he wallows in shame. You've banished him

to the lowest level of dog name hell - you've named your Lab

"Blackey."

Any four-year-old can explain that a dog's name should

reflect something about him - the way he looks, the way he

acts, what he likes to eat… something. So most

four-year-olds will take the next most obvious step - naming

a black dog Blackey... or Smokey... or something equally

inane.

The thought that so many grown adults were not able to

muster more creativity could undermine our society's basic

faith in democracy. So let's hope that the over-abundance

of such uninspiring monikers is the work of children -

parents' having left the honor of naming the family pet to

junior or sissy. While common, this type of delegation is

rarely a good idea. Remember: Dogs can last half a

generation; your little tyke will be mighty embarrassed in

college to own up to a dog named Blackey.

So to help inspire you - or your little one - here are some

more unique names - and naming ideas - that might help you

side-step the pit of pet name remorse:

1. Dirty Stuff: Grunge, Pitch, Soot (or Sooty),

Spade

2. Darkness: Dusky, Midnight, Shade (or Shady),

Twilight

3. Black / Dark Clothing: Patch, Sable, Suede,

Tux (or Tuxedo), Velvet

4. Black Food: Gumbo, Goulash, Meatball,

Meatloaf, Molasses, Mushroom, Plum, Rib-eye,

Roux (Avoid Pepper)

5. Coffee Derivatives: Chicory, Latte, Mocha

6. Dark Beers: Guinness, Porter, Stout, Xingu

7. Small Black Dogs: (Also cute for very large

dogs.) Scrap, Smudge, Smidgeon, Speck,

Splotch, Wisp

8. Black as Evil: (These can be particularly

cute for very large or very small dogs.)

Cujo, Darth, Jezebel, Katrina, Lilith,

Mordor, Reaper, Smut, Snitch, Sorrow, Vader,

Vice, Wicked

9. Traditional or Famous Black First Names:

(Most appropriate for African-American

families.) Tanika, Aisha, Oprah, Bionce,

Latifa, Snoop

10. African Geography: Congo, Morocco, Rwanda,

Uganda