By Deborah King
Thomas Beatie is breaking ground for a new definition of parenthood. We've had time to get used to natural mothers, surrogate mothers, sperm donors, egg donors, step-mothers and step-fathers, foster parents and legal guardians—each of which came with its own legal and moral complexities. Now Beatie has opened up a new possibility: the pregnant man. And with it, we have to open our own hearts and minds yet further to embrace a world in which parenthood has no sexual identity boundaries.
Thomas loves his wife Nancy. They've been together for over a decade. Nancy had endometriosis many years ago and had to have a hysterectomy, so she cannot carry a child. Thomas can, since Thomas was once Tracy, a beauty queen from Hawaii.
The concept of transgender has only recently come into national consciousness, thanks to people like Thomas, who began life as a woman who always knew she was meant to be male, and Isis, who started as a male who always knew he was meant to be female. Isis became one of the contestants on this season's reality show, America's Next Top Model, while Thomas became the world's first publicly pregnant man.
It was a struggle. Thomas had taken bi-monthly injections of male hormones, which brought about his facial hair and masculine appearance, and had chest reconstruction in order to become legally male and legally wed his wife. But sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so he kept his reproductive organs. As he has said, "Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire, but a human desire."
When he approached the medical community in his quest, Thomas was spurned, laughed at, and generally discriminated against. It took over a year, and nine different doctors, before he got access to a cryogenic sperm bank, and why he and Nancy had to resort to home insemination. His first pregnancy ended in disaster. It was ectopic, and he lost the three embryos and one fallopian tube. His second pregnancy resulted in a beautiful baby girl born this past summer. He is his daughter's father; Nancy is the child's mother.
Now they are adding to their family, as Thomas is pregnant with their second child. As he said in an article in The Advocate, "…our situation ultimately will ask everyone to embrace the gamut of human possibility and to define for themselves what is normal."
Many have a hard time with this. The comments in response to articles online range from general squeamishness, "Oh, yuck," to the "you'll be damned to hell" variety from those who still believe that anything that deviates from the standard approach – me man, you woman – is inherently evil.
As a health & wellness educator, I've worked with thousands of people, gay and straight. Those with gender identifications different than the majority, like gays and lesbians, or those who are transgendered, intersexed, or transsexual, didn't get that way by choice. Gender identity is not determined by what's between our legs, but by what's between our ears. It's our hormones that determine whether or not we feel like a boy or girl, man or woman. All fetuses start out estrogenically female. Then the introduction of testosterone, the male hormone, determines if the baby will be male or female. It's a complex process, and sometimes signals get mixed up for various reasons. It's important to recognize that the ultimate result is biological, not the result of environment or choice.
Thomas, once Tracy, is not an aberration. He may be a deviation from the norm, but he is not a deviant or a perverted freak. He is a man in love with his partner. A man who wants a family. The fact that he still has baby-making equipment does not change his identity as a male.
Thomas and his wife are a blessing for us: they really do help us see how love has no boundaries.
(Originally published at Article Dashboard and reprinted with permission from the author, Deborah King).
Deborah King is a health & wellness expert and author of Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You. Learn more about your own ability to change your life through truth at Truth Heals.
Source:www.isnare.com |
