by: Howard Iken

1. One lawyer is a good as another.

There is a tremendous difference between lawyers. Some are down to earth and some are distant and hostile. Some call you back the same day and others wait 5 days to call you. There are attorneys that only practice in divorce and marital law. Others are like a jack of all trades – they practice in divorce, criminal law, bankruptcy, etc. But remember the old saying – "Jack of all trades, master of none." Look for a lawyer that has adequate skills for your situation. More important: look for a lawyer that matches your values and has the ability to communicate well with you.

2. The mother always gets the kids.

Not true anymore. Florida law now treats men and women alike when it comes to custody decisions. Many states are similar. Gender bias is slowly disappearing from marital law. Does this mean men get custody as often as women? You already know the answer to that – women still appear to get custody more often than men. But men should take heart because the law is now more of a level playing field for custody battles.

3. Divorce through an attorney is completely unaffordable.

Divorce will always be an expensive process. But there are more alternatives than ever. There are do-it-yourself forms you can use to get your divorce done. And there are attorneys that offer partial representation. This can take the form of paperwork preparation or one-time consultation. Many states embrace a new concept called "unbundled services." This concept entails providing complete representation or individual phases of representation. Some attorneys will provide representation for one form, or one hearing. The benefit: you can get the exact level of help that matches your financial capability.

4. My children will be screwed up permanently.

Not only is this not necessarily true, but the answer will depend on you and your spouse. Both of you must guide the children through this process with a problem solving approach. There are many books available that may help guide you and your children through the divorce process. There are many family therapists that can also help. But there is no substitute for caring, involved parents. Never use the children as pawns. And don't try to destroy your soon to be ex-spouse. The children will always have a need for both of their parents. Divorce will not change that fact.

5. This is easy and I can do it completely myself.

Partially true but BEWARE! Divorce can be complex or it can be simple. Your best bet is to start off with a legal consultation. A good lawyer will make you aware of the major pitfalls without pushing you into immediately paying for more. In 30 minutes, you will be more able to calculate the risks and rewards of doing it yourself. If you decided to pursue this route there are many different options. A paralegal service can do your initial paperwork for a couple of hundred dollars. Some attorneys will do initial paperwork for 400 to 500 dollars. And there are many self help books available online and in bookstores.

6. If my spouse doesn't pay child support, he/she won't be allowed to see the kids.

Not true. Florida law is very specific about this. Visitation with the kids will go on whether or not child support is paid. Many states have similar laws. You cannot and should not condition visitation on the payment of child support. Remember, child support will always be separately enforceable at a later time. Visitation is beneficial to the children right now. It can never truly be made up if visitation is denied for a long period of time.

7. My name is on the deed or title, so it is mine.

Not true. A judge can change that with a stroke of the pen. Property distribution goes according to Florida law, not by whose name is on the title. Some states assume all property owned by either spouse is automatically marital property. This is an area that is best discussed with an attorney located in your state.

Copyright 2006 The Divorce Center P.A.