By Hal Stevens
Either during the wake, the funeral services itself or a memorial service, most of the time a family member, close friend or clergy member will deliver a eulogy. The term "eulogy" simply means "words of praise." Eulogies are unquestionably the most universal type of memorial.
Delivering a eulogy can be a very overwhelming duty. For this reason, the eulogy is sometimes delivered by a person who is a little more distant from the deceased, rather than by a close family member who may be too emotional to address a crowd. Eulogies are complex on many levels.
They are delivered during times of great chaos and crisis when you may not have a lot of time to prepare a speech. Eulogies can be very emotional and are often delivered by people who have little or no experience speaking in front of crowds (or who may be afraid to do so).
When delivering a eulogy, one of the most important things to remember is that you must show respect for the deceased; and, for the feelings of those in attendance.
When preparing a eulogy, consider if your loved one would have wanted a public display of great praise or emotion. The more modest might not have wanted such a display. Also consider any religious customs or guidelines that could be a factor. For example, in the Catholic Church, the eulogy is delivered, generally, at the wake and not during the funeral, where, instead the priest gives a homily or sermon.
In other religions, a eulogy is not a part of the funeral service at all, and may be more appropriate afterwards at a private memorial or even simply in telling stories at an after-service gathering.
A eulogy isn't like other types of speeches and, therefore, doesn't need to follow any strict rules of public speaking. In fact, some of the best and most effective eulogies are conversational rather than formal and consist of recounting special times and qualities that defined the deceased. What's most important is that it is a personal, honest and heartfelt memorial.
1. Tell what made your loved one special. Note a few special qualities that you admired about the deceased, then give examples via short anecdotes. What did you admire about him or her? What made the deceased a remarkable person?
2. You don't necessarily even have to have a pre-written speech in front of you (though you might find it helpful to do so). You may prefer to let your mind wander over the experiences you had with the deceased, remembering good times and things that the deceased consistently did, said or showed. If you don't want to write a whole speech in advance, an outline, or some notes may help you as a way of jogging your memory.
3. Don't feel that you have to stick to a particular tradition. Approach the eulogy using similar ideals that you've followed all your life. Traditions are amazing; they remind us of our loves and soothe us. But, traditions are different from family to family. Bear in mind, just because one group does something, doesn't mean it will be right for you and your family.
4. A eulogy can be any type of acknowledgment you want. The most valuable eulogies are those that take you and the others in the room back about the person who has departed.
Hal is the author of several critically acclaimed eBooks specifically written to help people deal with end of life issues. His eBooks include topics such as: cremation, writing and delivering a eulogy, eco-friendly green funerals, funeral planning, organ donation, and buying and selling cemetery plots. To find out more about his CemeterySpot family of free services and resources, to learn more about his books, and to get a free gift, please visit: http://www.cemeteryspot.com.
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