By David Wygant
Hope everyone is having an amazing weekend.
Yesterday we went to Malibu and everyone had a task at hand.
To have fun like a kid and overcome all fears of approaching women.
It was a huge success and the task was something you would have never imagined.
I will post some of it this week on you tube so stay tuned…..you will be shocked at what we did.
Today we are heading to the Santa Monica Farmers market as well as Venice beach. Till tomorrow.
Today I want to share with everyone a great question I got from someone in an email. I'm sure this kind of stuff is applicable to many of you who are talking on the internet, so let's talk about this right now.
Client: Hi David. First of all, I'd like to take a second to kiss your ass for opening a whole new world to me. Basically, your Men's Mastery Series and blogs are amazing, but I'm sure you already know this, so on with my question.
Last I was IMing a girl that I met through a friend and eventually started talking to through MySpace. It was the second time I have talked to her through AIM and I was planning on getting her number so I could ask her out over the phone (as you recommend.)
As we were talking about boring things, she put me in the position to compliment her. Don't get me wrong: I love to compliment someone when it is deserved, but it was just so blatantly obvious. I felt like I was giving all of my power away.
Here is one example of our conversation:
Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?
Me: I'll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.
Her: So why don't you just ignore her?
So now the nice guy inside wants me to say, "because I really enjoy talking to you," but that just feels too clingy. Plus, I'm not sure if she still views me just as a friend or as someone she is actually interested in. So I just ended up saying, "nah."
How would you have handled the situation?
David: Tim, I agree with you: it's best to give compliments when they are deserved. However, in the example you sent me, it looks like you are the one who really put yourself in that situation.
Don't worry so much about whether or not you give your power away (just don't do it constantly), but focus more on keeping the vibe fun, playful and exciting. That's the real art of flirting.
So in your situation, there are multiple ways you could have handled it. You could:
1. Call her out on it
2. Ignore it and give a very open-ended/vague and neutral answer – basically circling around the pot – this creates some form of intrigue
3. Give her an answer that makes her want to know more – using curiosity/intrigue
4. Give her a "conditional compliment"
So here's how your situation could have played out:
Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?
Me: I'll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.
Her: So why don't you just ignore her?
Me:
1. Hmmmm… I think someone is fishing for a compliment here… :p :p :p
2. [yes, just give a smiley face. Do not answer... and let her ask another question]
3. Well, I don't know what it is… but… there's something about this girl that makes me want to talk to her more. [you give her the compliment but you keep it vague to keep your power]
4. Because for a lawyer [insert whatever stereotype she is], she's pretty fun [insert the opposite quality expected from the stereotype]
I hope these suggestions help you. As you can see, you are just vibing based on what she tells you. Your "nice guy" response would be fine as well as long as you come from a position of power and self-respect. The woman can tell from the OVERALL conversation if you are you just trying to please her or if you truly mean what you tell her.
That's more important that the exact response you give to the woman fishing for compliments. There's nothing wrong with giving free compliments once in a while – you just can't come from the wrong place.
Contact me again if you have any more questions. If you want me to go deeper with something, we can set up some form of phone or email coaching.
Have a great weekend!
If you have any questions at all please send them my way and I will use them in newsletters in the future.
I really enjoying hearing from all of you!
Hailed on Fox News, The LA Times, The NY Times, Playboy and more… Legendary Dating Coach Launches a New Revolution For over nearly 20 years David Wygant has been earning the trust of American men and women looking to transform their love lives. (http://www.davidwygant.com)
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