By Ron Zvagelsky
Have you ever wondered if there was an art of breaking up? Maybe a simplified process where people could break up in a civilized manner, and yet still remain on a friendship basis?
Infidelity, different goals, or meeting someone else are all reasons why people choose to break up. But for many people the process may not be that simple. Even if there is a fight and emotions run high, people may say words out of anger and then break up. Usually however, they may talk, reconcile, and try to work things out, only to have another outburst where they suddenly decide to call it quits again.
The art of breaking up heavily rests upon the personalities of the people involved in the relationship. Sometimes, there is just no other way to end a relationship then to do so abruptly and as tactfully as possible. However, in some situations, there are many peaceable solutions to help a relationship dissolve calmly and with a friendship still in tact.
However, if you ever feel that you may be threatened or that you partner may become violent or enraged if you break up, then it is important that you seek outside help. Let your close friends know that you are planning on breaking up with your partner and keep your support system close by. Sometimes, even the most docile people act in ways that wouldn't seem within the scope of their character when faced with the possibility of losing their loved one.
If emotional or physical abuse was involved in the relationship then you need to get out of the situation immediately, no matter how strongly you feel that you may be in love. With that said, in other situations breaking up can be done in a way that both parties remain friends if they choose to. Never have someone else tell your partner for you. Break ups should be done respectfully and you should always respect your partner enough to explain to them the reason for the breakup.
If you are determined that you should end the relationship, then you should think beforehand of what you are going to say, the reason for the break up, and try your best to consider the other person's feelings. Delivery of the message is important and a calm tone of voice can help make the transition smoother. Some people find that they can express things better in a letter. There is nothing wrong with writing down your thoughts and feelings and breaking up through a letter. With today's technology, many people are finding email a preferable tool to deliver a break up message. This is a matter of preference and may hinge upon the way you communicated throughout the relationship. If email was a vital form of communication, then it may be appropriate to discuss your break up this way. However, if you never sent an email back and forth, deciding to start with a "Dear John" letter, may in fact be very inappropriate.
The key points to remember in any break up is to explain your position as clearly as possible. When you are sure that you need to end the relationship, stick to your guns. Some times the other party will try to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into remaining in the relationship. You know when its over. If you have decided that you need to move on with your life, then do so.
About the Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. Use PlanJam.com to find additional dating and relationship advice along with things to do.
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