By Jim Zamjohn
When you look at articles and suggestions on how to get your boyfriend back, you would see that most of the tips center on what you should do to and for your boyfriend. Some, but not the majority, discuss what you should be doing to yourself and for yourself when you ask, "how do I get my boyfriend back?" This is not to suggest that something is wrong with you. However, since you and your boyfriend did break up, the fact remains that something is wrong, though not necessarily with you. Therefore, in order to properly attack the dilemma, you need to start with yourself. Before you even ask yourself the question "how you I get my boyfriend back?" you need to ask yourself what you can do make yourself a better person. Therefore, when you try to get your boyfriend back, your chances are better.
First and foremost, you need to settle the issues you have with your ex-boyfriend. This will ultimately hinder you from getting your boyfriend back. Many see this as a code for "moving on." But settling issues does not mean moving on from your ex boyfriend; this only means that you need to get rid of negativity and intense emotions that may built up when you two broke up. While you desire to fix your failed relationship, you feel pain and other intense and negative emotions brought about by the break up. Acknowledge the pain but move on. Let it pass. You cannot get back with your boyfriend without letting go of these issues, because in case you do get back with him these will only come back and haunt you.
One of the most commonly cited ways to get of this negativity is by writing it all down. The manner in which you do it differs from person to person. You can write a letter addressed to your ex boyfriend. Pour everything into that letter-your pain, disappointments, everything. Of course, you will not send this letter. The letter will only serve as your catharsis, your purging of bad and painful emotions. This way, you will no longer feel the need to tell these to your ex boyfriend. With this out of the way, you can deal with these issues more civilly, in a mature, diplomatic manner.
After the negativity, you need to focus on the positive. Why are you asking yourself "how do I get my boyfriend back" in the first place? Your relationship probably had some strengths and positives, only you're too engulfed with all the negativity to actually know what they are. With all the negativity out of the way, you can easily assess your strengths. This way, you can also explain to your ex boyfriend why you want to get back together. If these strengths and positives are indeed true, then he probably feels the same way too.
All this may seem easier said than done. But, in reality, getting back your boyfriend may be a difficult endeavor in itself. Before anything else, you need to look deep inside you before you act on the urge to win back your ex.
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