By Dr. Diana Kirschner
Being alone after a break up is a challenge, especially at holiday time. Divorce or separation after a long relationship is the number two top life stressor following right behind being widowed. A severe loss can plunge you into depression and health problems. So do not let yourself go for several months without taking steps to recover. A UCLA study showed that being rejected activates one of the same areas of the brain as physical pain! The more ignored the people felt, the more activity they had in the anterior cingulate, which also registers physical distress. In other words, your pain is physiological. But research has also shown how you can recover from loss more quickly. Here are five tips that have helped many people turn this painful time into a whole new rebirth for themselves!
Tip 1. Spend Time with Close Friends
The same UCLA researchers found that spending time and sharing with close friends and offset the pain by causing the brain to release natural opioids, which are like the painkillers found in opium.
Tip 2. Use Anger As Fuel To Better Yourself
If you are feeling angry, channel it into kick boxing, lifting weights or cardio. Exercise lifts your mood and youths your body. You will de-stress, find more peace and sleep better! Give yourself a makeover. Initially thinking about how sorry your ex will be when he or she sees how fantastic you have become can be fuel for your rebirth. Make yourself more attractive and better inside and out.
Tip 3. Have A ‘New You' Party
Invite your friends to come over for a ‘New You' party where they help give you a makeover. Let them go through your clothes and accessories, getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot looks for the new you. Ask them for referrals to great hair salons or clothing shops. Find a look that makes you feel great. You can also have a big reveal party for yourself.
Tip 4. Get Out There and Date Off- & Online
Start as soon as possible, even if you don't feel like it. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll move on. At this moment your chances of meeting the love of your life could be better than ever! The average marriage now lasts under seven years and this means new singles are coming on the scene all the time. Around sixteen million people are now using online dating. You don't need to worry about getting into a rebound relationship: new research shows that people marrying on the rebound are no more likely to fail than those who wait. Not to worry if you are older: The American Association of Retired Persons found in a recent survey that 70 percent of single baby boomers are actively dating.
Tip 5. Meditation and Relaxation
Johns Hopkins researchers recommend practicing relaxation techniques to get rid of heartache. These include meditation, deep breathing or journaling out your feelings. Practice any or all of these techniques and you will bounce back from loss more rapidly.
You can learn much more about the latest research on and techniques for recovering from heartache in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.
Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah and is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love. Her acclaimed new book is Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. For her etips, blog, dating articles, daily affirmations & discussion forum visit http://www.lovein90days.com
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